What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 30.06.2025 00:29
I was very sick at this time too.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She married twice! .
Why am I not getting any atheists to debate with? Are they scared?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As i do to all so called friends.?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why do Democrats never produce a good argument for why Trump was a bad president?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im still living with it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But, we were locked up after school.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
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I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
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My life is so biszare .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why do older siblings always hate younger siblings?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was scared of men, in general
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
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We all went to grammer schools
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
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When she asked me how she looked .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I don,t even have a pension.
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was seconnd youngest,
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I will be 64.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I said to her
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Would this be the day?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I never cut or harmed myself..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She loved him until the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
It was going to be , some day.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Put me off passion for life!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She was in good health!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
All the time i was locked up.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I have no regrets .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Comes on , in middle age.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She wouldn,t have been !
I think the readers, may guess!
Ive learnt so much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What did i know ?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She found it foreign!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Who then, do I blame.?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
This is soul school!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So whats the point in blame.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
(And it was in our own minds.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And who doesn’t know suffering?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He knew the spot.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One cannot live in the past .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And i lived it daily.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But it wasn’t much.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was 9 years of age.
My family never makes their pension either.
But ive been too sick for many years..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I waited trembling.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We were not on the streets..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I write beautiful poetry .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.